i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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