I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
