After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
