I have demons in me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
