I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
