some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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