I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
