WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
