It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
