Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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