and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
