I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
