did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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