WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
