How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
