apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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