What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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