I wannas sexs uuuuu
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
