Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
