Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
