ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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