I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
