so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I would fuck him just for his dog
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
