i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize