I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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