omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
FUCK WHALES
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
