watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
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You. Win. At. Life.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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