I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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