there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
