All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
