i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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