but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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