I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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