i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
