I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
it's like iHOP with fire
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
