All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
