we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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