did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
