Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
