the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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