K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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