the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
