she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
