so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
These tits shall not be calmed
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
