I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
