she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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