When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
