I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
