I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Operation Purity has been aborted
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
