ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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