My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
