my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
