actually, I'm a sock model
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
