OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
