Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
