Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
