I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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