Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
