Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
