Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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