I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
